Stayed up past the butt crack of dawn sitting in Dunkin Donuts talking with Matt, Dan, Taha, Sami, Zain, and Justin. Had to wake up at 9 this morning (although I woke up at about 8 without my alarm, and reluctantly rolled out of bed at 8:30)...I'm so ridiculously tired haha...I don't regret it (I'm sure by the middle of my 12-7 shift I will a little bit though :P)

I hate that everyone expects everyone to care about babies that they care about. Babies all look the same, and no I don't want to see 40 pictures of your cousin's friend's wrinkly bald thing

Sometimes I run myself in circles only to reach the same conclusion I had before all the trouble. But at least I'm more confirmed in my beliefs than most

....It does sort of seem like a dream, doesn't it?

Things that I have thought on today,

-I've never lost that childish love of storming through piles of leaves in autumn
-Graceland by Paul Simon really is just such a great album
-It's okay to break out and dance like a fool, even by yourself
-ESPECIALLY by yourself
-Much of the time we spend unhappy is only because we feel like we SHOULD be unhappy, the power of perspective is within yourself.
-(So be happy)
-No one has spoken truer words about love than Neil Gaiman
-Actually, Neil Gaiman just generally knows what he's talking about
-My horse is freakin awesome. Always.

"it's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want"

when a facebook status basically defines how you're feeling you probably have a problem haha

I'm afraid that kidney stone friday actually did kind of screw me over. I got 10 hours of sleep last night and I'm STILL freakin exhausted.

the weekend was long too, to be fair. But a good one.

it was our away weekend in connecticuit with the equestrian team...Probably our best show this semester. BEAUTIFUL weather, awesome horses, everyone on the team got a ribbon, and I got my first 1st place ribbon of the year (for the team). Good good stuff.

waking up with Abba and Regina Spektor in your head....is an interesting combination

Kidneys - 4, Erica - 0.

Yeah. Kidney stones suck

and yet. I'm somehow still victorious.

Today....Well, considering how bad today COULD have been, SHOULD have been....


I'm pretty damn happy.

I want a freakin trunk monkey

I'm kind of super glad that my creative writing class is kicking me back into poetry. Hooray

some of which may or may not be accessable at Ekkambles.Livejournal.Com

perhaps.

Legit, I own the cutest horse ever.

This week. Gah.

Stress stress stressing about our horseshow, although as of yesterday I've been seeing it actually come together, I think we could do this haha.

I've been listening to Laura Marling a lot. She's a goddess.....You should look up some of her stuff (I like 'Ghosts' a lot, and 'You're No God', and I've been listening to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNxar07_9YA&feature=player_embedded over and over again.)

I went out to a movie last night with one of my coworkers, and we've grabbed dinner a couple of times and I think it's unfortunate that sometimes I forget how nice it is to be able to just sit down with someone and talk for forever. Although that's been happening with surprising frequency lately. At any rate, he's super sweet I just down know how much of a position I'm in to get involved with anyone for a number of reasons....This week needs to end with me still standing before I can even begin to think clearly about anything

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love."

Courtesy, Neil Gaiman, excerpt from one of the Sandman comics.

set up a separate live journal for the, ah, more "legit" writings.

http://ekkambles.livejournal.com

intermittent irrelevant posts shall continue here at my leisure hahaha

Between a sudden on set of disgusting sickness and work suddenly scheduling me way more hours than I can afford, next week is going to suck. Especially tomorrow. Freezing rain + limited sleep + physical exertion + sickness = shitfucked Erica. But at least I have some awesome dinner company to look forward to, provided I'm not dead, and a tuesday devoted to paper writing. Yes, the latter was severely sarcastic. THe former, hopefully not so much.

The bees knees indeed

THAT was not what I expected. woah woah woah

It's kind of trippy stumbling over older thinsg I've written.


I cut off the beginning because it was irrelevant to the rest and a little choppy, but I'm amused at the ways in which I still think like this, but also the ways in which I've changed or elaborated on stuff et cetera.... some of the footnotes don't match up also, fyi


----


“I’m still trying to get my brain to comprehend the fact that it’s December and 70 something degrees”

“It is Florida”

“That it is. Palm trees, sunshine-“

“Global warming!” The brunette cut her off “ Hotter and hotter, ‘causing the ozone layer to erode. Look at this!” She grabbed a piece of Styrofoam that had just tumbled in on a wave “We’re polluting like there’s no tomorrow. Which there won’t be at this rate. We’re doing ourselves in. We’re passing on! We’ll be no more! We will cease to be! We’ll expire and go to meet our maker! We’ll be stiff! Bereft of life, we’ll rest in peace! We’ll be pushing up the daisies! Our metabolic processes will be history! We’ll kick the bucket, we’ll shuffle off our mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! We’ll be ex-humans!” (1)

The red head snorted softly. “ Dorky and cynical. Stop Quoting Monty Python.”

“Dorky and cynical. Sounds about right. Very dorky, very cynical. And never. Monty Python is too good.”

“Possibly. Cynical, definitely. And they say that what people are most cynical about, or most against and most distrustful of are what they’re most afraid of. Afraid of global warming?”

“Hardly. Global warming is something that is definite. People just can’t stop themselves. We may gain an amount of control over ourselves, but it won’t stop the process, only slow it down. It is inevitable, but still a long way off. Why worry about something not in my lifetime? The wheels started turning a long time ago, but they’ve still got a long way to go. There is no point of worrying about something I can’t control. No, I’m much more cynical about other things. Like the fact that my hovercraft is full of eels.” (2)

“Monty Python again? This is getting far too silly (3). So, what is worth worrying about then, Ms Cynical?” The redhead quirked an eye brow, making it arch over her amber eye and causing her friend to laugh.

“I think what’s most worrisome is what is most important to someone, and because of that it varies.”

“Then what’s most important to you, individually?”

“Love, most likely. In a friend and family way. And otherwise.”

“Kudos to that.”

“I mean, come on though. Society has completely undermined whatever love is, or was. They’re commercializing the hell out of it. Today love is more of a trend than something meaningful. ‘Love is passé in this day and age, how can we expect it to grow?’ (4)”

“I definitely know what you mean. It’s hard to say “I love you” to someone nowadays. How can we say that, unsure if we actually know what it means? And it’s terrifying to hear a person’s response to that. Especially if they say it back! How can someone know if they mean it, and if they do, how do they mean it? Every person could have a different conception of what it means. And thanks to Hallmark, in so many peoples’ eyes love is flowers, and sentimental words. What’s lacking is the guarantee behind those words and pretty petals. I mean, the divorce rate has gone up through the roof.”

“Seriously. And it’s hard to let yourself fall in love, not knowing if you’re actually in love, or just under the impression that you’re in love. Not to mention that you could even just be blind sighted by wanting to be in love. And the fact is, so many people don’t know what love is, or just have false ideas about it.”

“And now that there are so many forms of love in society, it’s even harder. And so many kinds of relationships! Okay, so you’re sure you’re in love. What kind of love? And what is you’re relationship with this person? Most importantly, how do you know it will last?”

“The things is that in so many cases we can’t be sure of those things. And I doubt we ever will be. Because I do believe that this is the biggest mystery in life, my friend. Religion and god aside. Forget the abundance of the cosmos. Are we alone? Insignificant. How did we get here? Doesn’t matter. The meaning of life is meaningless if it’s true that there is no life without love. Because of that is true, than it is more important to understand love than life. You can live without understanding love, but you can’t love without understanding. And that is what can make a person so cynical. Without a doubt, that is it.”

“Without a doubt indeed. I just might have to second that.”

“So you know what I mean then?”

“Say no more, say no more. (5)”

“Who’s quoting Monty Python now?! Ha. This is getting far too silly. Up for some ice cream?”

“Sure. Sounds good. It is warm enough, thanks to global warming and all.”

“Oh yeah.”

-----------


(1) This is from a Monty Python Sketch. “Dead Parrot”, slightly adapted to work for this piece.

(2) From another Monty Python Sketch, “Dirty Hungarian Phrase Book”

(3) A common Monty Python quote

(4) A Quote from the play “Tick Tick Boom” (Incidentally this is written by Jonathon Larson before he wrote Rent. It’s well worth checking out.)

(5) From the Monty Python Sketch “Nudge Nudge”

You may have guessed that I’m not a Monty Python fan. I’m not sure how all those quotes got in there. They’re far too silly.

"

There are not many things as cool as having someone you have a crazy amount of respect for reveal that they have a crazy amount of respect for you. Woah now.

It's endlessly frustrating that I keep saying I don't know I DON'T KNOW what I want to do with my English major...but I do. I want to write. I want to write novels, and childrens stories, and short stories, and poems; and I want people to read them, and like them, and be inspired by them.

I just see that as totally unrealistic for so many reasons

(much like my second choice of "Olympic Equestrian" hoooo yeah. Perhaps the former is slightly more realistic in comparison)


"I want to write music
I want to sit down
Right now at the piano
And write a song that
People will listen to and remember
And do the same thing every morning
For the rest of my life"
-tick tick boom

Finally classed out of both divisions at the intercollegiate shows...first show of this year's season, not a bad start, yeah?

I liked both horses I drew - though my flat was a NUTTER. Then again, I'm a nutter too I guess - he was bucking me around and I was grinning hahaha.

My fences horse was a DREAM - and kind of inspiring, 'cause he had a similar story to Chace and now he's doing intercollegiate stuff and was fantastic about it.

I missed Chace though, it was the first time in forever that I didn't see him at all